according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
