party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
