And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
