i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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