Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
