I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
