I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize