my soul wont recognize me after tonight
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
