How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
