Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
