Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
