My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
