Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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