A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize