i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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