who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
