just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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