Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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