If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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