sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
