i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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