Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Bring me that man meat
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
