I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
