No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
