i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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