so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You ate ashes out of my bong
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
