You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize