So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
