Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
