it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
