I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
