Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize