goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
