So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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