Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
