I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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