I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
