never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
