Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
