he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
