I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
