she woke up with a sticky ear
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
