I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
