That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
