I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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