You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
