I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
