this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
