i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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