saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
