How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
