I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
