can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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