I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize