Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
