Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
