i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
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