Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
