Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
