I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Less talking, more tequila
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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