My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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