need another drink. this is the easiest way
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
