the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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