one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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