I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
