That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
