if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
