I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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