I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
