I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
