Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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