His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
