well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
