I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize