Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
