Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
