he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We talked him into tasing himself.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
