I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize