would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
