i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize