Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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