my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize