Your mouth is God's brothel.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize