There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
