I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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