The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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