Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
