Well douche your snatch and let's go!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
