Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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