She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
