i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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