I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So here I am, sexting at work.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
