I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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