Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
