i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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