If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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