His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
