i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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