If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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