I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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