I could make wine with my vomit
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
