people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize