Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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