Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You took a bar mat shot.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Randomize