so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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