Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
