K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
